Hey Gang---As some of you know, I make my living as hose monkey here in San Diego and am just now catching up with life. Fire or no fire, it seems I'm always behind the eightball. I just wanted to thank the CZCC member (you know who are) for sending me the list of jokes and to share his list with all of you. I laughed my arse off. I shared this list with my crew and they loved it! I hear it's spreading, anonymously, throughout the department.

Well, you couldn't have sent it at a better time. I mean it, your timing was great and you need to know how much that meant to me...to us. Laughter was in very short supply, however, it was much needed.---Jerry

>What's the best form of birth control after 50?

>Nudity

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

>45 lbs.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

>45 minutes.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

>Through his chest with a sharp knife.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!

>Why do men want to marry virgins?

>They can't stand criticism.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and

>good

>looking?

>Because those men already have boyfriends.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

>After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

>The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>What do you call a smart blonde?

>A golden retriever.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Why does the bride always wear white?

>Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and

>refrigerator.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the

>biggest boobs?

>The blonde, because she's 18

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?

>Ask your Mom.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>How do you know when you're really ugly?

>Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>How do you know when you're leading a pathetic life?

>When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Lets just be friends."

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Mom's have Mother's day, Dad's have Father's day, what do single guys have?

>Palm Sunday.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts?

>Her navel.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?

>Bingo machine.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?

>A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Why did God create alcohol?

>So ugly people could have sex, too.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

>"Are you sure it's mine?"

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?

>Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

>Mace will do that to you.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?

>Everyone has the same DNA.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Did you hear about the Chinese couple who had a retarded baby?

>They named him Sum Ting Wong.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?

>A speech impediment.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

>Breasts don't have eyes.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?

>A pimp.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Why do drivers education classes in redneck schools use the car only on

>Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays?

>Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?

>A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front the cage, along

>with a recipe.

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>What's the Cuban National Anthem?

>Row, row, row your boat.!

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern

>fairytale?

>A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time." A Southern fairytale begins

>"Y'all ain't gonna believe this $^!#."

>

>

Hi Jerry:

Good to hear that you are getting back to a normal life after the firestorms. We all appreciate the efforts of you and your brother/sister firefighters in helping to save lives and property. Thank You!

Carl

Carl--Your kind words and support go a long way, thank you very much. Everyone (not just FF), every San Dieagin put up one Hell of a fight. It's one thing to do what you get paid for and train for years to do, it's quite another to stand up (as many citizens did) to something so unpredictable and so fierce as a fire storm.

I never, and I mean NEVER, felt comfortable with the word hero. Let me explain, to me a hero is someone, who, in a sudden moment of crisis, performs an unselfish act that directly results in an-others well being. We, Firefighters, are professionals and to some degree have experienced battles such as this (i.e. LA via Rodney King); albeit on a smaller scale.

The heroic acts I witnessed first hand, time and time again throughout the fire storm, conducted by ordinary citizens (without benefit of experience, training, protective clothing, communication and, or equipment) showing little regard for their own safety while aiding their neighbors. All the while surrounded, literally, in HELL...it just blew my mind. It also made our job a lot easier, more than they will ever know.

I thank you all just same----Jerry

BTW---Firefighter Rucker, in my book gave his life for all of us.

That was funny.

Hope you faired out well during all that.

Love you avator