New viruses?????

THE AL GORE Virus...

(Causes your computer to just keep counting.)

THE CLINTON Virus..

(Gives you a 7-Inch Hard Drive with NO memory.)

THE BOB DOLE (AKA: VIAGRA) virus...

(Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.)

THE RONALD REAGAN virus...

(Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.)

THE JESSE JACKSON virus...

(Warns you constantly about illegitimate file reproduction, while illegitimately reproducing files in the background.)

THE MIKE TYSON virus..

(Quits after two bytes.)

THE OPRAH WINFREY virus..

(Your 300 mb hard drive shrinks to 100 mb, then slowly expands to re-stabilize around 200mb.)

THE JACK KEVORKIAN virus.

(Deletes all old files.)

THE PROZAC virus...

(Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care.)

THE JOEY BUTTAFUOCO virus...

(Only attacks minor files.)

THE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER virus...

(Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back.)

And last but not least....

THE LORENA BOBBITT virus...

(Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy, then discards it through Windows.)