Shopping the Man's way

THINGS FOR MEN TO DO WHILE THEIR WIVES/FAMILY ARE TAKING THEIR SWEET TIME SHOPPING AT WAL-MART/TARGET OR THE MALL.......

Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples' carts when they aren't looking..

Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10 minute intervals..

Make a trail of orange juice on the floor to the rest rooms..

Put some M&M's on layaway..

Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " I think we have a Code 3 in housewares," and see what happens..

Move CAUTION WET FLOOR signs to the carpeted areas..

Set up a tent in the camping department, and tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department..

When someone asks if they can help you, begin to scream, and ask "Why won't you people leave me alone"..

Look right into a security camera and use it as a mirror while you check your nose hairs..

In the auto department, practice your Madonna look using different size funnels..

While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are..

Hide in the clothing rack, and when people browse through, whisper, "PICK ME! PICK ME!"..

When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal postition and scream, " NO! NO! It's those voices again!"..

Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible"..

Tell the manager if they moved everything out of the store, you could make a really neat indoor go-kart track..

And my all time favorite...

Go to the dressing room and yell really loud.... Hey, we're out of toilet paper in here!"