1 Bravo 6

Of course I love ya darlin', You're a bloody top notch bird And when I say you're gorgeous I mean every bloody word So ya bum is on the big side I don't mind a bit of flab. It means that when I'm ready, There's somethin' there to grab. So your belly isn't flat no more I tell ya, I don't care So long as when I cuddle ya, I can get my arms 'round there. No sheila who is your age Has nice round perky breasts They just gave in to gravity But I know ya done your best. I'm tellin' ya the truth now, I never tell ya lies I think it's very sexy That ya got dimples on ya thighs. I swear on me nanna's grave now, The moment that we met, I thought that you was as good as I was ever gonna get. No matter wot ya look like I'll always love ya dear. Now shut up while the footy's on And fetch another beer. Rick. :devious::devious:

On the T.V. News tonight was the report that two young drivers had been caught by police racing on the main street of North Rockhampton. They were clocked at 198kms per hour. Their cars were impounded for 48 hours and they are due to face court next week. Now, ... we don't have laws to crush the vehicles but repeat offenders are quite likely to have their vehicles impounded and sold and their licenses suspended. A related item is the new laws which come into effect as of 1st of July with regards to learner drivers. From July 1, provisional license holders will be required to identify themselves with the display of "P" plates on their cars, in two stages of provisional licensing over three years. In the P1 stage, drivers under the age of 25 will display a red "P" plate for at least 12 months and will be subject to several restrictions, designed to minimise driving risks until they gain further experience behind the wheel. Due to the dangers of distraction and peer pressure for young motorists, P1 drivers will not be allowed to carry any more than one passenger aged under 21 (except immediate family), in the car from 11pm to 5am. Anyone under 25 who obtains either provisional license after July 1st will be banned from driving high powered vehicles. Vehicle restrictions include cars with 8 or more cylinders, turbocharged and supercharged petrol engines, a maximum power output of more than 200kw, rotary engines above 1146cc and modified engines which do not meet manufacturers original specification. To attain a P2 license, young drivers will be required to pass a computer simulated hazard perception test, using video scenarios. In the P2 stage, young drivers will be required to display green "P" plates and will still be subject to the bans on high powered vehicles. The holders of a learner's license will be required to gain 100 hours of supervised driving, including 10 hours at night, recorded in an approved logbook before applying for a provisional license. The new regulations are an attempt to cut down on the high number of drivers under the age of 25 killing themselves and their passengers. Rick.

As far as I'm concerned, I don't care whether a street racer's car is crushed or sold. The important thing is that, one way or another, they lose their car. (Preferably not as a first offence, .. give them a chance to see the error of their way).When I see on the TV news an item showing a police raid on a street racing venue, and see the complete disregard of police authority by the racers, goading and verbally abusing the officers, (who are only doing their job); and then hear of some young fool who losses control at high speed and kills not only himself, but three or four of his mates as well; or that some unfortunate innocent person gets creamed by a speeder, then I'm quite happy to see road terrorists loose their cars. Rick. :devious::devious:

Good one Jim, A very nice play on words. Rick. :devious::devious:

Hey Will, Maybe it's a new angle on the strangulation method huh ?????????? Rick. :devious::devious:

Well now, Bill, To answer your question mate, Barb and I have been married now for little over 40 years, and she STILL SMILES on a regular basis. Rick. :devious::devious:

Z train, The relevant point between drink drivers and street racers is that in both instances the cars were driven by fools who put their lives and the lives of others on the line through their own stupidity in the case of drink drivers and an adrenelin rush in the case of the street racers. Argue about the legalities all you like. The fact remains that if you break the law, you pay the penalty. I have absolutely no sympathy whatsoever for lead footed petrol headed street racers who have their cars crushed. I can't see it happening as the result of a first offence, however, it must be remembered that a car CAN BE a lethal weapon in the hands of a dangerous driver. Lose a family member or a friend to the immature idiots who drive recklessly, then see if you feel sorry for "the poor blokes who had their car crushed". Rick.

O.K. you blokes, 'Fess up, .... who hid the SHOUT box ????????????????????? C'mon, ... where is it ?????????? AND THE SMILIES DON'T WORK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Rick.

Ahhh, Thanks for that Jason, I sometimes forget that not all Americans understand Oz. Rick.

I took my Zed, "Precious" out for a run the other day and was cruising along at 60k's when I was overtaken by a bloody CHOOK. So I upped the power to 80 and passed the chook. A moment later, the bloody chook blasted past me again so I hit 100 to draw level with it. Just as I'm about to overtake it, the chook stepped up the pace and I'm doing 105 k's, then the chook put on another burst of speed and I'm tickling his tail feathers at 115k's when the chook suddenly turned off into a farm. I skidded into the farm driveway and chased the chook up to the farm house and watched as it went into a coop out the back. The farmer came out and asked if he could help me at all and I asked him about the 115k chook. "Oh, ... that'd be right", the farmer said. "She's one one of the four legged chooks I bred so that families could have a leg each with their Sunday roast. Now, ... I was absolutely amazed. "A four legged chook", I said to the farmer, "What do they taste like". "Dunno", the farmer replied. "I've never been able to catch one".

Come on now Pennyman, I understand where you're coming from, but your choice of comparison is totally wrong mate. How can you possibly compare Z cars that have been lovingly restored and driven by their owners just for the pure pleasure of owning a true classic that is recognised as one of the ten most important marques in the history of motoring, with a '92 & '93 Honda Civic and a '98 Acura that have been souped up by fools and idiots solely for the purpose of ILEGAL street racing that pose a definite threat to life and limb of other, innocent road users. I don't mention the idiots who own such vehicles as it would probably be better to get them out of the gene pool. Rick.

A dwarf was driving through town, obeying the speed limit and generally driving in a safe manner. When he had to stop at a red light, he got very badly rear ended, fair up the Khyber Pass. The dwarf got out of his car, surveyed the damage and yelled at the driver of the other car, "I'M NOT HAPPY !!". The other driver replied, "Well, ... which one are you?". Rick.

The latest issue of the "Road Ahead", the magazine of the Royal Automobile Club of Queensland, (RACQ), has an article about driving while in another country. I thought a few excerpts would be of interest; Road Rules. You keep left in Japan, Thailand, Indonesia and most ex Brittish countries. The rest of the world keeps to the right - except for Somalia, where it's so lax that drivers choose for themselves which side they prefer. In the Third World, the rules are easy: there are none. The USA Generally speaking, American drivers are competent and considerate. The Third World. Per day, 3200 people die on the world's roads. Of these, more than half die on roads in Asia, even though Asia has only 16 percent of the world's motor vehicles. China alone, with 2 percent of the world's vehicles accounts for 15 percent of the world's road crashes. Crashes. In South Korea, the medical examination for foreigners applying for a local license, consists of showing they can clench their fists. No kidding. After a bingle, apparently, you stand by the car and prepare to defend yourself. Be Alert Behind The Wheel. CHINA; Beware. When you indicate to change lanes, other drivers might try to stop you doing so. Philippines. Check out other vehicles for crucifixes, St. Christopher medallions and other devotional paraphernalia. Generally speaking, the worst drivers tend to load their cars up with such items. India. As above, but in lieu of crucifixes, count Hindu idols, garlands of flowers, incense sticks etc. Steer clear accordingly. Viet Nam; (I loved this one). Don't drive at night. Many locals drive after dark without lights in the belief that it saves petrol. Just a few items to add to you useless information file. Rick. :devious: :devious:

Hey there Chrisa, You never know mate, that beat up old Datsun might be rejuvenated by the magical powers of the pyramid. Rick. :devious: :devious:

G'Day there Juan, You said that you put the sound deadener in the BOTTOM of the doors. I hope you left the drain holes uncovered mate. Having the deadener on the bottom of the doors could cause moisture to be held there, becoming a rust threat. Rick. :devious: :devious:

BEAUTY BILL, I have to admit it Bill, I deserved that, .. you got me there mate. That's gotta be the JOKE OF THE YEAR. I couldn't post until the tears stopped flowing, ... I laughed that much. Rick. :devious: :devious:

One day, upon arriving home from work, Fred's wife informed him she was interested in having breast enlargement surgery. When he asked why, she said, "Because it will make me more attractive to you". He asked how much the operation was, and she replied,"$4,000 per breast". He exclaimed, "$4,000 per breast?! that's rediculous. We can't afford that. Have you tried the toilet paper method?". She looked puzzled. He said, "sure, ... each night, before you go to bed, rub toilet paper between your breasts, and, over time, they should grow". "That won't work", she said. Fred replied, "It worked on your arse". Rick. :devious: :devious:

xray, Steven, Even in the seaside backwater where I live, there's a paint shop,(sells housepaint etc), where you can take a sample of a painted item, they'll scan it, mix up a very close if not perfect match, produce an aerosol can for you, in AUTO paint. That's the method I used when I cleaned up the front bumper on my old '89 model Toyota ute. It's been mentioned before on this site. Rick. :devious: :devious:

Confucius say, ... Boy who sleep with stiff problem wake up with solution in hand. Girl who sits on judge's lap gets honourable discharge. Lady who go camping must beware of evil intent. Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants. Man who stands on street corner with hands in pockets, not feeling crazy, feeling nuts. He who fishes in other's holes often catches crabs. Man who go to sleep with itchy bum wake up with smelly finger. Rick. :devious: :devious:

Hmmm, ... A quick wash, oils changed, new tires and rims, some upholstery cleaner and she'd be as good as new.:stupid: Was the battery flat ??? Rick. :devious: :devious:

Surely any competent paint shop can match up your colour. When I told the bloke who painted my "Precious" what the colour code was, he just called it up on his computer and there, on the screen, was the list of ingredients required. Rick. :devious: :devious:

The doctor placed his stethoscope on the young woman's chest and said, "Big breaths, my dear". The girl smiled and said, "Yeth, .. and I'm only thixteen". ----------------------------------------- A quiz show on T.V. had a contestant from Arkansas who was asked to complete the sentence, "Old Macdonald had a ..." The man from Arkansas yelled, "FARM !!!". The compere said, "Great, well done, .... now spell it". The man from Arkansas thought for a few seconds, then answered, "E.I.E.I.O.". ------------------------------------------ It was the first time "Our Bill" had bought an airline ticket. He walked up to the ticketing desk and said, "I'd like a return ticket please". "Where to?", asked the ticket officer. "Or Bill" replied, "To here !!". Rick. :devious: :devious:

Always be frank with your boss. That way, when you screw up, Frank will get the blame. Rick. :devious: :devious:

Here's one to start the ball rolling. What do you call a FISH with no eyes?? ..... a FSH. Rick.

Well, ... Maybe I was a bit too quick to say it was bullshit. After all, who would have thought the story about oysters being fed on Viagra to increase their potency was true ????. I would've thought the story was crap, but the bloke was interviewed on the T.V. News and the Government has said that it will NOT be permitted to be sold in The Land of Oz. Rick. :devious: :devious: