1 Bravo 6

Yair Stephen, You're absolutely right mate. We should've ignored the fool. Rick. :devious::devious:

Luke, My heart goes out to you mate. I think we all know the heartache when we lose a much loved pet, being a dog or cat or a budgie for that matter. Have you noticed how many who have replied to this thread have admitted that they cried over the loss of a pet ?? Seems like we're a mob of soft hearted people. When I took our 18 year old Aussie Terrier, (Similar to a Silky, only heavier set and psychologically a Doberman), to the vet to be put down, I had tears pouring down my cheeks as I held her while the vet gave her the injection and she died in my arms. (I've got a lump in my throat now). I said to the vet, "Huh, ... some big, bronzed Anzac I am, crying like a baby". Her reply was that, if there were more people who loved their pets enough to cry over their loss, we'd live in a better world. When you think about it, that's very true. Rick. :devious::devious:

My friend, You are a FOOL to even THINK of treating a Zed like that. As has already been pointed out, the car is 30 plus years old!!!!!!!!! Do you have any idea how many things can go wrong???? how many parts, bits and pieces are likely to disintergrate under the strain?????? I mentioned in another thread recently that some people deserve the title of Richard Cranium. You, my friend, in my opinion, fall into that category. Rick. :devious::devious:

A group of eminent scientists got together and decided that Man had come such a long way that they no longer needed God. God was redundant, they decided. So they went to God and said, "We can clone people and do many wondrous things. We really don't need you anymore and we think that you should retire". God listened patiently. "O.K.", he said, But first let us both make a man just like I did with Adam, and we can compare our work". "Yes, ... Let's do that" replied the scientists, as one bent down to scoop up a handful of dirt from the ground. "Oh, ... no you don't", scolded God. "Go and get your own dirt". Rick. :devious::devious:

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple of days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetary and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognisable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate. When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, ... yes, ... that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards". He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards too!!. Most puzzling". So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh, ... the Sixth, ... the Fifth, .....". Suddenly, the realization of what was happening dawned on him. He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetary, "My fellow citizens, .... there's absolutely nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing". Rick. :devious::devious:

A blonde, a brunette and a red head all work in the same office for a female boss who always goes home early."Hey, girls", said the brunette, "Let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know". So, the next day, they all leave right after their boss does. The brunette got some extra gardening done, the red head went to a bar and the blonde went home to find her husband in bed with the female boss. She quietly sneaked out of the house and returned home at her normal time. "That was fun", said the brunette next day at work. "Yes, .. we should do it again sometime", said the red head. "No way", said the blonde. "I almost got caught". --------------------------- "Shaaaaayyyyyy, mate, what's a breathalyser?", asked a drunk of his barman. "That's a bag that tells you when you've drunk too much", answered the barman. "Ah, hell, whaddya know?, I've been married to one of those for years". Rick. :devious::devious:

G'Day Kev, I warned our northern friends about Drop Bears, Hoop Snakes and carniverous wombats a long time ago. Rick. :devious::devious:

Hmmm, Not necessarily Patrick. The others might be midgets !!!!!!!!!!! However, .... midget or not, the one on the right in the white hat is a bloody NICE one. Rick. :devious::devious:

In the first five minutes of Superman 111, as Mild mannered Clark is looking for somewhere to change, a red Zed "Flashes" past. Rick. :devious::devious::devious:

We have a name for stupid people like that. If you want to be nice, you say, "Richard Cranium". Me??? .... I prefer "**** HEAD". That's D.I.C.K. Rick. :devious::devious:

A man returned home from the night shift and went straight up to the bedroom. He found his wife in the darkened room still fast asleep, with the sheets around her waist, exposing her breasts. Suddenly horny and not to be denied, he crawled under the sheet and proceeded to make love to her. Afterward, he hurried down the stairs for something to eat and was startled to find breakfast on the table and his wife pouring coffee. "How did you get down here so fast?" he asked. "We were only making love a few minutes ago". "Oh, my god", his wife gasped, "that's my mother up there, she stayed over last night". Rushing upstairs, the wife ran into the bedroom. "MOTHER!!, I can't believe this happened. Why didn't you say something?". The mother-in-law huffed, "I haven't spoken to that jerk for fifteen years, and I wasn't about to start now!!". Rick. :devious::devious:

Hey Zac, The croc in that pic is just a little bloke mate. The big ocean going crocs can go up to 30 feet long. There's one very dangerous critter you left off your list mate. The most dangerous is a mother in law who hates you. Rick. :devious::devious:

The other day I went into town and went into a shop. I was only in there for a few minutes and when I came out I spotted a cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said, "Come on mate, how about giving a senior citizen a break?". He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres. So I called him a shithead. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't care, ...... I came into town by bus. Rick. :devious::devious:

Paddy was just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean appeared at Connor Pass. He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box, out of which he pulled a chicken. Sean held the chicken by the legs and hurled himself off the cliff and fell, down, down, down until he slammed into the ground and killed himself. Once more Paddy shook his head and said, "Bugger that lads. First there was Gerry with his Budgie Jumping, then Seamus Parrotshooting ................. and now Sean and his bloody hengliding". Rick. :devious::devious:

Shortly after Gerry killed himself Budgie jumping, Seamus arrived up at Connor Pass. He'd also been to the pet shop and walked up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other. "Hi, Paddy, watch this", Seamus said. He took a parrot from the box and let him fly free. He then threw himself over the edge of the cliff, holding the gun. Paddy watched as, half way down, Seamus aimed the gun and shot the parrot. Seamus continued to plummet down and down until he hit the bottom and killed himself. Paddy shook his head and said." And I'm never trying that parrotshooting either". Rick. :devious::devious:

Two Irishmen walked into a pet shop. They went to the bird section and Gerry said to Paddy, "That's them". The owner came over and asked if he can help them. "Yeah, we'll take four of them there little budgies in that cage there", said Gerry. The owner put the budgies in a cardboard box. Paddy and Gerry paid for the birds, left the shop and got into Gerry's truck and drove up to the top of the Connor Pass. At the Connor Pass, Gerry looked down at the 1000 foot drop and said, "This looks like a great place". He took two birds out of the box, put one on each shoulder and jumped off the cliff. Paddy watched as the budgies flew off and Gerry fell all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead. Looking down at the remains of his best mate, Paddy shook his head and said, "Bugger that !!, This budgie jumping is too bloody dangerous for me". Rick. :devious::devious:

Hey there Will, Pics ???? Mate, ... Barb is the greatest shutter bugger you're ever likely to meet. She took pics of just about EVERYBLOODYTHING. Imagine; Tooling down the highway at 110kph and she says, "Oooh, .... stop!!". I pull over to the verge, she gets out, calmly walks back a hundred yards or so, bends down and .... TAKESAPICOFABLOODYFLOWER. She did that all the way from Perth to Sydney. She's been going through her "library" deleting those pics that displease her and she's left with a mere 150 or so. I should be able to find one or two decent pics for you. I'll see what I can do. At this stage I expect to be home, (Golf days excepted), until early June. HEY !!! "E", Do you mean that the joke I posted should have bee about Professor Will ??? Rick.

After graduating from university top of his class, Professor Bill went into genetic research. He was successful in cloning himself. He was asked to speak at a national convention of cloning scientists. The meeting room was located on the 45th floor of a skyscraper. Professor Bill arrived with his clone and proceeded to the podium. The clone sat at the end of the head table. Professor Bill began the speech intending a tribute to the advances in the field of modern biology. "My fellow scientists" he began. But before he could utter another word, the clone sprang to his feet and shouted out,"He's an asshole". The crowd began to murmur as Professor Bill commanded the clone, "Sit down and shut up". Apologising for the interuption, he began again, "My fellow scientists ...." Again the clone sprang to his feet and yelled, "This dumb arse couldn't produce a copy on a xerox. He's a fraudulent S.O.B.". Incensed, Professor Bill rushed to the clone, grabbed him and threw him out of the window. A short while later the police arrived and were told of the events that had transpired. The police chief thought about it for a while, and finally said to Professor Bill, "We are going to have to arrest you". Professor Bill replied, "What for?. I have committed no crime. What fell from the window was a clone, not a person", The attending scientists nodded in agreement. "Well", retorted the police chief, "we cannot let this heinous act go unchallenged. We are holding you for making an obscene clone fall". Rick.

HEY< G'Day there Darryl, While we were at Esperance, (one of the most BEEEEAUTIFUL places I've seen), Barb asked me if I was sure that there were Z Car owners in W.A. As for Will being an ex pat Oz bloke, ...... no mate, he's not. Living where he does, whenever I mention him to Barb, I refer to him as "That Southern Gentleman".:cheeky: My guess is that he's searched the web for Australian Slang so he can understand what we're talking about. Rick.

Well mates, All jokes aside, the trip was fantastic !!. The South west corner, especially around Esperance, has some of the most beautiful places I've ever seen. Beaches of pure, white sand, clear, clean ocean ranging in colour from ..... it's hard to explain, I guess, hmmmm, if you check out the post icons below, the one with the ? is pretty close to the colour close in to the beach and becoming a gradually deeper blue the further you go from shore. The most awesome sight and experience I've ever had, and, believe me, I've seen a hell of a lot of awesome sights in my 64 years, was to stand on the edge of The Great Australian Bight, look down to the surface of the ocean some 300 feet below and raise my gaze to see nothing but water as far as the eye can see, knowing that the next land mass that way is the Antarctic. You have to see it to believe it. Any Oz bloke who hasn't driven the Nullabor Plain SHOULD !! . It helps to make you appreciate this great country we live in. Anyway, .... thank you all for your kind words of welcome upon my return. Hey Will, Booze bus???, Technicolour Laughs???, Slabs of XXXX???. Nah mate, you got the story all wrong. I gave up drinking the amber fluid in 1968. (No, I haven't discovered a way to inject it). Spruiking some lovely shiela???. You forget mate, .... Barb was with me 24/7. Besides, at my age I'd be hard put to even remember what to do with a young sheila. Rick.

I hope you blokes didn't miss me too much. I was rather concerned that "Our Bill" might end up in rehab due to my absence. Why am I disappointed ??? Because for the whole 11,200 klms of the trip all I saw was two 280ZX's, both in Adelaide. I didn't expect to see any Zeds in outback New South Wales and South Oz but I thought there would be some to see in Sand Groper country. (You blokes over there in West Oz didn't hide them 'till after I'd gone did you????). Good Grief !!!!, the Freemantle Museum doesn't even have a Datsun at all let alone a Zed. I'm tempted to send them a Zed model by Hot Wheels. I knew there'd be no Zeds on the Nullabor Plains but imagine only seeing two 280's in South Oz !!! And none in Melbourne/Phillip Island at all. Barb kept saying, "You just drive, ......I'll look for the Zeds". In desperation, I headed for the Princes Highway and headed for SYDNEY of all places, in the hope of sighting a Zed. (I've always said that the best thing about Sydney is the road north). (I was REALLY missing "Precious" by this time). (To add insult to injury, we stopped over at my sister's place. Her husband has a ':sick: '68 mustang. When they were up here visiting, he looked at "Precious" and said, "Why didn't you get a real car, .... like a mustang for instance". I replied, "Why would I want a mustang ?. They're like noses, .... everybody's got one"). The remainder of the trip was also Zedless so you can imagine how I felt when we arrived back home in Yeppoon, opened the garage to be confronted by the dazzling beauty of my little "Precious". Barb reckons that we'll have to do the trip again one day as I didn't see all that much of the scenery because I was looking for Zeds. Rick.

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gunshop and buys a hand gun. The next day she comes home early to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and points it at her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically, the blonde screams at her husband, "SHUT UP..... YOUR NEXT". Rick. :devious::devious:

Back in the Wild West, There were two blonde cowboys, Will "The Zedman and Bob "The Sailor". One day, they were enjoying a drink in the local saloon, when a man walked into the bar with an indian's head under his arm. The barman shakes his hand and says, "I hate indians; last week the bastards burnt my barn down, assaulted my wife and killed my children. If any man brings me the head of an indian, i'll give him one thousand dollars". The two blondes looked at each other and walked out of the bar to go indian hunting. They found one and Will "The Zedman" snapped off a shot, hitting the indian in the head who falls off his horse but rolls way down to the bottom of a ravine. The two blondes climb down to the body and Will "The Zedman" pulls out a knife ready to claim their trophy. Bob "The Sailor" called out "Hey, Zedman, take a look at this. Zedman replied, "Not now Sailor, I'm busy". The Sailor tries again with more urgency in his voice and says, "I really think you should look at this". The Zedman says, "Look, you can see I'm busy, I have a thousand dollars in my hand". But the Sailor is adamant, "PLEASE, Zedman, Take a look at this". The Zedman looks up and sees that standing at the top of the ravine are ten thousand indians in full battle gear, shakes his head and says; "Oh ...... MY.... GOD!!!!. we're going to be MILLIONAIRES!!!!!". Rick. :devious::devious:

What do you call a drummer with no arms or legs? Clever ****. What is the German word for constipation? Farfrompoopin. When is it much better to be a woman than a man? When you are in the lavatory and the plane hits turbulence. What's grey, has four legs and a trunk? A mouse on vacation. How are sex and air a lot alike? Neither one's a big deal unless you're not getting any. How do you make an elephant fly? Start with a three foot zipper ....... What is more difficult than getting an elephant into the back seat of a car? Getting a pregnant elephant in the back seat of a car. What is more difficult than getting a pregnant elephant in the back seat of a car? Getting an elephant pregnant in the back seat of a car. (Will, explain this one to Bill huh??). DAD, what's a transvestite? I don't know son, but ask your mother, he'll know. If a bra is an upper topper flopper stopper, and a jock strap is a lower decker pecker checker, and golden toilet paper is a super duper pooper scooper, then what is a Japanese boxer's father who has diarrhoea?? A slap happy Jappy with a crap happy pappy. When does a woman enjoy a man's company? When she owns it. What are a woman's four favorite animals? A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom and a jackass who'll pay for it all. How did Pinoccio find out he was made of wood? His hand caught fire. (Here's a couple for the ladies). What did God say when he created Adam? I must be able to do better than that. What did God say when he created Eve?. Practice makes perfect. How are men and parking spaces alike? All the good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small. Did you hear about the canibal who had chronic indigestion? He ate someone who disagreed with him. What does D.N.A. stand for?. National Dyslexics Association. (Think about it). Why was the washing machine laughing?. Because it was taking the wizz out of the knickers. (This is my favorite). Why do nursing homes give viagra to old men?. To stop them rolling out of bed. Rick:devious::devious:

Hi there Sailor :love: You've started my suspicious little mind working overtime now mate !! Rick. :devious::devious: