1 Bravo 6

OOoohhhhhhooooooo, Good comeback mate. Enrique, If I ever do have the pleasure of meeting you in a bar, I'll stand on your side of the line and it's my shout. Rick. :devious: :devious:

Ah, yes, BUT; The REALY important question is; Did you enjoy the performance of Mick Jagger ???????????????????????? Rick. :devious: :devious:

O.K, so I'm probably preaching to the already converted and trying to teach lizards how to suck eggs but; The bloke who did the paint job on my car explained to me that, even on a good surface, "Polish" should never be used as every application removes paint. He explained that, when looked at under a microscope, paint is not smooth but dimpled. Each aplication of "Polish" removes paint from the top of each dimple, whereas a good wax fills in the "valleys", giving the paint a smoother, longer lasting finish. For what it's worth, Rick. :devious: :devious:

I thought I WOULD give my mate Bill a break. Enrique came home from the pub late one friday night stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already sound asleep. He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. He awoke to find a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long, flowing white robe. "Who the hell are you?" demanded Enrique, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?". The mysterious man answered,"This isn't your bedroom and I'm St. Peter". Enrique was stunned. "You mean I'm dead!!!, that can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family, ... you've got to send me back". St. Peter replied, "Yes, ... you can be reincarnated but there is a catch". "We can only send you back as a dog or a hen". Enrique was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. With a flash of light he found himself covered with feathers and clucking around pecking the ground. "This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt a strange feeling welling up inside him. The farmyard rooster strolled over and said, "So, you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?'. "It's not so bad", replied Enrique, "but I have this strange feeling inside me like I'm about to explode". "You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?". "NEVER" said Enrique. "Well, just relax and let it happen" said the rooster. So he did and, a few second later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An imense feeling of relief swept over him and emotion got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him .... EVER. The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting, "ENRIQUE !!!!, wake up you drunken bum, your shitting the bed". I like that one. Rick. :devious: :devious:

SHITE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm not sure whether I should put up any more jokes now. The reason I'm taking the wizz out of my MATE Bill, is because I know he can take it and he knows I don't REALLY mean anything by it and thought it might add a LITTLE more HUMOUR to the joke. Maybe I'll use Enrique or Chris or Jared next time. Hmmm, .... on second thought, ..... maybe I'd better stick with Bill. :nervous: :nervous: Rick. :devious: :devious:

Hi Lachlan, No time at all mate, I've got 'em by the dozen. I intend to give him a short reprieve, then lower the boom when he's been lulled into a false sense of security. Rick. :devious: :devious:

No Stephen, Mine are different mate. They're Aunger Cheviots. Just adding my 2 cents worth in case the caps in question had stickers on them. Rick.

Bill and his mate decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead. When Bill went to see the councelor, he was told to take Math, History and Logic. "What's Logic?" Bill asked. The professor said, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weedeater?' "I sure do" said Bill. "Then, I can assume, using Logic, that you have a yard", replied the professor. "That's real good" said Bill. The professor continues, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also have a house". Impressed, Bill says, "That's AMAZING". "And since you have a house, Logic dictates that you have a wife". "That's Betty", said Bill, "This is INCREDIBLE". Bill is obviously starting to catch on about Logic. "Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual", said the professor. "You're absolutely right", said Bill, "Why, that's the most FACINATING thing I've ever heard. I can't wait to take that Logic class". Proud of the new world opening up to him, Bill walks back into the hallway, where his mate is waiting. "So, what classes are you taking?" asks his mate. "Math, History and Logic", replies Bill. "What in tarnation is Logic?", said his mate. Filled to overflowing with all the new knowledge he's picked up from the professor, Bill said, "Let me give you an example, Do you own a weedeater?" "No" his mate replied. "YOU"RE BLOODY QUEER AIN"T YOU". said Bill. Rick. :devious: :devious:

Tisk, Tisk, Tisk, Jared, :finger: Rick. :devious: :devious:

Bill and his mate drove into a timber yard in his truck. Bill's mate walked into the office and said, "We need some four by two's". The clerk said, "You mean two by fours don't you?". Bill's mate said, "Hang on, ... I'll go check with Bill". He returned shortly and said, "Yair, .. I meant two by four's". "All right", said the clerk, "How long do you need them?". Bill's mate looked a bit confused, thought about it for a few seconds and said, "I'd better go check with Bill". After a while, he returned to the office and said, "My mate Bill said we're gonna need 'em for a long time. We're gonna build a house". Rick. :devious: :devious:

Hey Will, Looks like it's had a hard life mate. Surely it's a home made fibreglass job. You could probably do a better job. (Might be the Zed our mate Bill learned to drive in). Rick. :devious: :devious:

No Way Jared, I'm like a bull terrier mate, ... once I sink my teeth in the victim is DOOMED. The old teeth might be false ones but I use Araldite. LOL Surely you've realised why I use THAT smilie. Rick. :devious: :devious:

Are the centre caps stickers or painted ??? The plastic center caps on "Precious" were missing the stickers on three wheels while the fourth was damaged and faded. I found AUNGER'S website, told them what I wanted and included a pic of the faded sticker. Heard nothing for over a week then received half a dozen in the mail. I emailed AUNGER again to thank them and ask how much. Received a reply saying they were glad to help out at NO CHARGE !!!!!. For what it's worth. Rick. :devious:

During a rather intense sexual activity, Sue let out with a long, piercing scream, every muscle in her body locked up and her body became as rigid as a board and she stopped breathing. Bill paniced. He tried unsuccessfully to revive her, then called 911. The 911 operator told Bill that she would send the paramedics right away. "Where do you live?", asked the operator. "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive", Bill said. The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?". There was a long pause and finally Bill said, "How 'bout if I drag 'er over to Oak Street and you pick 'er up there". Rick. :devious: :devious:

G'Day Derek, Looks like the plastic bags have a sticker on them. Do they have the part number ??? If Kenny's suggestion proves incorrect, quote the part number which will make it easier to identify where they go. Rick. :devious: :devious:

Jared, He's not just killing himself mate, if I laugh any harder he'll do me in as well. :classic: Rick :devious: :devious:

Hey Will, You're not lookin' for another Zed are you ???????????? Or is it the Vette ????? Rick. :devious: :devious:

Bill, Nickles are nickles, dimes are dimes and a dollar bill is just a dollar, Bill. Jared, You are 100 percent correct there mate. Rick. :devious: :devious:

Bill, Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahaha hahahhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahah, GAAAAASP, Hahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah............................. Thanks fellas. Rick. :devious: :devious:

Right then, That's one to add to the list; Vilonia Arkansas. BEWARE THE DOOR BELL BILL !!!!!!!!!! Rick. :devious: :devious:

G'Day Henk, Write down some carefully taken measurements and take a trip to your local wrecking yard. Rick. :devious: :devious:

Oh, Bill, (I'm whispering so nobody else can hear), Bill, .... proof read before you hit that little green button that says "Submit Reply". :classic: :classic: Rick. :devious: :devious:

I often wonder, Why so many newbies fail to fill in their details when joining.:stupid: Obviously, they each have their reasons but, as many of us have pointed out to them in the past, in a lot of instances, knowing their location would make it so much easier to assist them. Anyone have thoughts on the matter ??????. Rick.

ROFL Bill came home late one night and his wife, Linda, said, "Where in the hell have you been?". Bill replied, "I was out getting a tattoo". "A tattoo?" she screamed, "What kind of tattoo did you get?". "I got a hundred dollar bill tattood on my penis" he said proudly. "What the hell were you thinking?" she said in shock and horror. "Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattood on his penis?". "Well, first off, I like to watch my money grow. Secondly, once in a while I like to play with my money. Thirdly, I like how money feels in my hand, and, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want to". Bill is recovering nicely in hospital. Rick. :devious: :devious:

Welcome to the club jezze, As Bill mentioned, you should have posted on your previous thread. Each contributor will automatically receive notification that you have posted a further query. If you complete your details it's possible that another member lives nearby and may be in a position to physically assist with you problem. I can't though, ........ it's just a LITTLE too far to travel. Rick. :devious: :devious: