1 Bravo 6

Yair, right, John. Thanks for answering my PM. Now I know what you're on about mate. Guess I'm just a bit slow in the grey matter mate. (Now, ... there's an opening for Bill to have a dig). Rick. :devious: :devious:

Bunch of babies. In the backwoods of Arkansas, Bill's wife went into lobour in the middle of the night and Doctor Enrique was called out to assist with the delivery. Now, ... Bill was so nervous that he kept wringing his hands, pacing back and forth and mumbling to himself even more than he usuall did so, in order to calm Bill down, Doctor Enrique said,"Here Bill, hold the lantern up high so I can see what I'm doing". Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there Bill", said Doctor Enrique, "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down .... I think there's another one to come". Sure enough, within minutes, he had delivered another baby. "No, No, ... don'y put the lantern down yet Bill", said Doctor Enrique, "THERE'S STILL ANOTHER ONE", he cried. Bill scratched his head in bewilderment, and said, "Ummm, ... Doc Enrique, ... ummm, ... do you think it's the light that's attractin' 'em ???". Rick. :devious: :devious: HaHaHaHa, you asked for it !!!!!!!!.

OOOhhhh, I don't know Bill, I just can't seem to please you. I reckon you're just being hard to get along with. Rick.

I went to visit my 85 year old Grandfather in the hospital. "How are you Grandad?" I asked. "Feeling pretty bloody good" said the old bloke. "What's the food like?". "Terrific, great menus". "And the nursing?" "Couldn't be better" he said, "These young nurses really take care of you". "What about sleeping?. Do you sleep O.K.?". "No problem at all. .... nine hours solid every night. At ten o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra pill, .... and that's it. I go out like a light". Now, ... I was puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so I went off to question the ward sister. "What's the idea of giving my 85 year old Grandfather Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that cant be true?". "Oh yes", replied the sister. "Every night at ten o'clock we give him a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra pill. It works very well. The hot chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed". Rick. :devious: :devious:

War Hero. An elderly Italian man who lived in the outskirts of Monte Cassino went to the local church for confession. He said, "Father, during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the enemy. So I hid her in my attic". The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did my son, and you have no need to confess that". "It's worse than that Father. She started to repay me with sexual favours". The Priest said, "By doing that, you were both in great danger. However, two people together in those circumstances are greatly tempted to act that way. But if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are forgiven". "Thank you Father, that's a great load off my mind. But I have one more question". "And what is that?" said the Priest. "Should I tell her the war is over?". Rick. :devious: :devious:

G'Day there John, You mention that we drive our Zeds on the wrong side of the road, and that water drains the wrong way.(I guess you mean that a lot of our rivers appear to head inland). You failed to mention that our cyclones spin in the oposite direction to your hurricanes; When it's daylight here it's night time there; When using knife and fork, the fork stays in our left hand; And while you lot can't stand the stuff, millions of Aussies LOVE Vegemite. However, with regards to your question, I'd say that's more of an UNDER down under. How would you like to be the one to give mouth to mouth to the poor bloke after where he's been ??? YUCK !!!!:sick: Rick. :devious: :devious:

Bill, Why do they keep making STOOPID jokes about you ??????????????? Because I started it and they think it's the normal thing to do. Rick. :devious: :devious:

Ohhh, Stephen, Roger Ramjet ???????????? BOY, if that's not giving away your age ??????. Rick. :devious: :devious:

Ohhh, YES !!!! Isn't it GREAT to meet a woman who doesn't mind, (perhaps even ENJOYS), getting down and DIRTY. Make sure you have a good supply of bandaids girl, you'll probably need 'em. Might be worthwhile for any of our members living in that area to make note of the fact that Alissa's lesser half has experience in Zed work. Rick. :devious: :devious:

Ohhh, That's TERRIBLE. Bill, ... do you realise that you've just been told that you're CHEAP ????????? And that I've got short arms and deep pockets ???? Rick. :devious: :devious:

John and Mary were having dinner in a very fine, expensive restaurant. Their waiter, Bill, whilst taking another order at a table a few paces away, noticed that John was ever so slowly sliding down his chair under the table while Mary acted unconcerned. Bill watched as John slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, Mary appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that John had disappeared under the table. After Bill finished taking the other table's order, he went over to Mary and said, "Pardon me ma'am, but is everything alright, your husband just slid under the table". Mary calmly looked at Bill and said, "Oh, no !. He did not !. In fact, he just walked in the front door". Rick. :devious: :devious:

No Bill, You're wrong mate. John's not asking for trouble at all. HE'S FOUND IT !!!!!!!! LOL Rick. :devious: :devious:

Not meaning to hi jack this thread but, Yair, I know what you're all saying, It's much the same here with crims getting sentencing far too light to fit their crimes. Other Aussies should remember the case a couple of years ago where, late one night, a crim broke into a house and was caught by the owner who busted him up. While the crim was convicted and sentenced, he was able to prosecute the home owner for using excessive force in subduing him. AND WON !!!!!! A cop once told me that if I ever found a burglar in the house and I had a gun, the best thing is to shoot to kill, then put a second round into the ceiling which during your report, would be the FIRST, warning shot fired, and if the offender was NOT armed, make sure he was by the time the cops arrived. Seems like good advice to me. By the way, 77zzzzzz, How did you get on with the Z Car ????????????? Rick.:devious: :devious:

G'Day there alissa, Make use of the SEARCH feature on this site. If there's anything you need to know you'll probably find it there. If not, posting a question in the appropriate forum will gain all the advice and assistance you could wish for. Welcome to the club, Rick. :devious: :devious:

Being very concerned about his wif'e hearing problem, Enrique went to see the family doctor and said, "I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time I say something, in fact, I often have to repeat things over and over again". "Well", the doctor replied, "Go home and tonight stand about fifteen feet from her and say something. If she doesn't reply, move about five feet closer and say it again. Keep doing it so we can get an idea about the severity of her deafness". Sure enough, Enrique goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about fifteen feet from his wife in the kitchen and as she's chopping some vegetables, he says, "Honey, what's for dinner?'. He gets no response. He moves about five feet closer and says, "Honey, ... what's for dinner?". Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, a few inches away and says, "Honey, .. what's for dinner?". Turning to face him she says, "FOR THE FOURTH BLOODY TIME ENRIQUE, VEGETABLE STEW !!!!!!". Think about it. Rick. :devious: :devious:

Actually Bill, I'm an old fashioned typical Oz bloke and that's the sort of thing I'd say !!!!!. Rick. :devious: :devious:

OR JEALOUS. Rick. :devious: :devious:

Moonpup, I LOVE IT. Wish I'd have posted it !!!!!!!!!. Rick. :devious: :devious:

Clutchdust and matman, Gary and Mat, I really feel for you blokes then. In my neck of the woods the boys in blue, (who I hold in very high regard), will bust a gut trying to catch ANY law breaker. A stolen car would be dusted from bonnet to boot and they still manage to find the time to bust the druggies. Rick. :devious: :devious:

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband, Will, opening the front door. "Hurry!!" she said, "Stand in the corner". She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to", she whipered. "Just pretend you're a statue". "What's this honey?" Will inquired as he entered the room. "Oh, it's just a statue", she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too". No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning, Will got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here", he said to the statue, "eat something. I stood like an idiot for three days at the Smith's and nobody offered me so much as glass of water". Rick. :devious: :devious:

HeHeHe, Bill, If Barb was to hear that joke she'd probably TELL me to sit out on the verandah.(Porch). Rick.:nervous: :nervous: :devious: :devious:

No Pants. One day, Gazza's young grandson, Jimmy, is walking home from school. When he gets home, he finds grandpa Gazza sitting on the porch without any pants on!!!!. Young Jimmy goes up to grandpa Gazza and says, "Grandpa, do you realise that you're not wearing any pants?". Grandpa Gazza says, "Yes Jimmy, I do". Jimmy then says, "Well, why are you outside without any pants on grandpa ?". Grandpa Gazza looks at Jimmy and responds , "Well, Jimmy, yesterday I sat outside on the porch, fell asleep and woke up with a stiff neck. This was your grandma's idea". (Think about it). Rick. :devious: :devious:

YES IT IS BILL !!!!!!!! Rick. :devious: :devious:

Yair, I agree with Ed. If the steering column cover is off, I would suspect that it has been hotwired. Call the cops mate, while they can still lift any finger prints. Rick. :devious: :devious:

Hey there Tom, In reference to your term,"Girly Man" I have two questions I'd like to ask you; First, What do you regard as a "Girly Man ?" and; What do you regard as a "Man ?". Rick. :devious: :devious: